I wrote this post a couple of days ago and couldn’t put it up - there was some maintenance work on. But, in retrospect, with fresh sleep soaked eyes, I am beginning to feel like the cons don’t outweigh the pros and I don’t have to say all this. But then again…
This is the story.
A woman gets on to a BMTC bus one day and finds a seat for herself. The bus is fairly empty where she gets on and there are quite a few seats at the back. A mother and son duo get on at the next stop. They take the seat behind hers. At the next stop, a woman with a child gets in. By then all the women’s seats are taken. So this woman gives her seat to the one with the child. As she stands, she notices the mother-son duo at the back. She also notes that the boy is not a child, he’s about 13 or 14, he’s wearing a baseball cap. She thinks about asking him for the ladies’ seat, then decides against it, he’s just a boy after all.
At the next stop, two girls get in, not more than sixteen. Both are carrying big bags and one of them asks the boy to get up and give his seat for her friend. The boy gets up. There’s an old man behind him on the Senior Citizens’ seat, who is very upset by this and he asks the boy, ‘Why did you get up? Just because she asked you?’ and continues grumbling. The mother then gets into the act and says to no one in particular, in Tamil, ‘I agree it’s a ladies’ seat. There’s nothing wrong in asking him to get up. But look over there, (she gestures to two women who are sitting further behind on the Men’s seats) They are sitting there, no?’ - implying that if they could sit there it was okay for her boy to sit on a ladies’ seat. All square and fair.
The old man is spurred by this and he asks the girl, ‘Why should you ask him to get up? Can’t you see, he’s just a boy?’ and keeps at the girl. The girl says ‘But it’s a ladies’ seat, sir. That’s why I asked him to get up. There’s nothing wrong in that!’ The old man doesn’t let up. He goes on making her feel like a monster. The girl is almost in tears.
The woman has been watching all this, trying desperately to keep out of it. Then she starts feeling like the girl needs some support. So, before she can prettify her thoughts the words fly out ‘You shut up! You are talking rubbish. She is well within her rights to ask for the seat.’ The old man is highly affronted and says ‘I am not talking to you. I am not talking to you!’
The argument dies out suddenly. The girl still looks really upset. The woman talks to her and tells her she did a good job, it’s alright, it’s okay (to be in a ‘fight’), not to let men bully her. The girl asks her two pointed questions. ‘What do you do?’ and ‘What is your qualification?’ To these, the woman answers honestly, for only the second time in her entire life and it hasn’t been a good feeling.
Because despite her good intentions, she has perhaps succeeded in doing the following - making the girl feel like being an artist with a master’s degree is what it takes to be able to fight in the manner the woman did. The boy is probably on his way to being a woman hater, definitely those that ask for ladies’ seats. She probably has just proved that you can shut up an older person by being outright rude. Perhaps.
In retrospect, the cons seem to outweigh the pros. It was supposed to have been a show of strength for a fellow being, for a another really young woman/person who in the circumstances was being made to feel like she had done something really wrong. One, almost always, feels alone in these places. There are always so many right ways to do any one thing that one ends up feeling like one always manages to choose the wrong way.
