Can do better.

These were my teachers’ words in all my report cards in school. Can do better.

It is now that I wonder, what did they mean? Were they saying they were disappointed in me or were they saying I have untapped potential? Was it a compliment or not? Do, about a hundred ‘Can do better’s, add up to something?

Truth is, just when I have finally started thinking of myself as a writer, I have promptly produced what can only be called, well, a not so great play. Some brave and dear friends are working with it and putting it up for kids. But I have a sinking feeling that all the fairy lights in the world can’t save me from having to acknowledge that it is an uninspired piece of writing. Yes, I am thinking ‘Can do better’.

Sigh.

I’m tempted to wallow in self -pity, run , hide and all that.

But this time around, strangely enough, the other path is also clear. The path that’s telling me, all that’s left to do is to stand up and take a bow. Then go back to that place I am very familiar with, the place that’s called zero, sometimes sub-zero, and climb back out slowly. The path that’s urging me to focusing on one step at a time. The path that’s urging me to believe that all one can really do is try.

Sigh. Come watch if you’re anywhere close-by.

Playing from July 11 - 28

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~ by pongam on July 11, 2011.

3 Responses to “Can do better.”

  1. Suni, we can all always do better at any given point.. What matters is that we have DONE. Something. Many of us know about hanging in there and PLANNING to do ssomething soon..

    The play you’ve created is a space – a clearing, where new and different creatures/ ideas/ people can meet and start a conversation. What could be more valuable?

    Going by the children’s responses, I am seeing that the play is important, not just super FUN!

    • Yes, I do believe all you say is true. I know it and still sometimes I can really defeat myself. But, have to say, I meant this to be a positive sort of post and the place called zero is something I am beginning to see as a good place.

  2. I think Zero/Sub-Zero is a good place. When I started quilting I would feel the same way… was I good enough? was I fooling myself into thinking that I could be a quilter with no background or experience. Then my enlightened husband said that the only place I could go from where I was… was up. I think that’s your zero… and we have to crawl out of our pits… our own pits of hopelessness and depression and fear and mediocrity… the only way to get better is to keep going and working bloody hard! 🙂 I think what you’re doing is cool.

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